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Writing by Almadelmar


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Submitted on
March 14, 2008
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I came to think of her love for me
like the Winter’s snow.
The first flakes, just after the fall, were beautiful,
charming,
and ever-present.

As our romance went on,
the snow kept falling,
accumulated,
and was soon oppressive,
repulsive.
I began to long for Spring.

Spring came, of course,
(Although she says I had nothing to do with it)
and I felt as a beast relieved of a light burden,
selfishly pleased
despite the care and attention afforded me.

Yet, as the snow melted, I didn’t notice
the water beginning to seep into my walls,
forming great tears behind the wallpaper
or paint
or plaster.
By the time I noticed,
the damage was done.

Now I sit at my window,
the seeping water all drained and disposed of.
The damage to the walls is severe,
and cannot be painted over,
if I ever desired such a thing.

Through my window,
I hear the Spring birds singing,
but I feel no joy.
Care to indulge me in a little melodrama? :p

Anyway, this is equal parts real life and exaggeration. I very recently went through a break-up (not a bad one; historically, my break-ups are very amicable), and felt like I should be more upset about it than I was letting myself be. I thought writing some poetry would be a nice catharsis for it, and it really has been.

What is not exaggerated in the poem is that I was sick to death of Winter, but recently had the ill fortune to have to deal with water that was improperly draining from the roof into our walls. Yuck. Oddly, today as I was playing videogames and attempting not to think too much about the break-up, this struck me as a perfect topic/image for a poem, and I had to come write it. I think it's a bit of a rough poem, still, but I think with a few tweaks it could be really special.
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:iconinnocencedied2nite:
innocencedied2nite Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2008  Student Writer
This has an amazing truth to it. Kudos.
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:iconvix0r:
vix0r Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2008
:D Thank you! :hug:
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:iconinnocencedied2nite:
innocencedied2nite Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2008  Student Writer
You are most welcome!
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2008
Featured [link]

:blowkiss: You are important to me
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:iconvix0r:
vix0r Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2008
Ahhh, awesome! :D Thank you so much! :hug:
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2008
As our romance went on,
the snow kept falling,
accumulated,
and was soon oppressive,
repulsive.
I began to long for Spring.



Loved it. Beautiful.
Reply
:iconvix0r:
vix0r Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2008
:blushes: Thank you! :heart:
Reply
:iconbluespartanofvgc:
BlueSpartanOfVGC Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2008
Powerful, powerful ending. That's all I have to say.
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:iconvix0r:
vix0r Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2008
:dance: Thank you!
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:iconflunki:
flunki Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2008
:+favlove:!!
the passage of time is so strong and well done!
i absolutely love the imagery and just idea of the water and it being behind the wallpaper (and how you came to write about it) and "...and cannot be painted over, / if I ever desired such a thing"!

cant explain half the thoughts/feelings your poetry induces but theyre definitely good, excellent piece :)
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:iconvix0r:
vix0r Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2008
Thanks! I really particularly like those lines, too. I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for the comment! :boogie:
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:iconchailinmochroi:
ChailinMoChroi Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2008
you know what i like about winter?

even if it is too much every year...every fall i'm excited about it
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:iconvix0r:
vix0r Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2008
I know what you mean! ;p
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:icondyrwen:
dyrwen Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
Nice play on the spirit of seasonal change and relationships.. The melting snow and the walls being damaged really resonates well with a half-nature-image and a half-urban-life.
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:iconvix0r:
vix0r Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2008
Thanks for the comment! I'm glad you liked it. :D
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:iconchailinmochroi:
ChailinMoChroi Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2008
I think accumulated should be accumulating; tense wise it makes more sense.
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:iconvix0r:
vix0r Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2008
Thanks for the suggestion! :) I'm not sure I agree, but I'll look at that line and see... ;p
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:iconsilica-streak:
Silica-Streak Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2008
I don't know if this will sound unfair or not, but I love to notice the difference between female poets and their poems and male poets with their poems. I try my absolute hardest not to be sexist or prejudiced, but I love to make inferences based on things like that.

I notice a huge difference in articulation and tone, even as many people I know tell me that men never have been sensitive enough to write poetry, and I know very well that such an idea is purely false.

However, the sensitivity and the cohesion and clarity of the writing of some men seems to be of a different grade than many women; not better or worse, just different. More subtle and more refined, I'd say in your case.

Regardless, the real-life contrast and the reference to the seasons is wonderfully written. Excellent job.
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:iconvix0r:
vix0r Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2008
At first I kind of thought you were preparing to heavily critique my work (I don't quite know why, maybe I just like to assume my work needs heavy critique), but then I get such pleasant compliments instead! Thank you so much! I'm very glad you like it! :D
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:iconsilica-streak:
Silica-Streak Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2008
I do like it.

And while I don't mind being critical, I'm not into heavy critique on deviantArt. Maybe in school and off of the Internet, but on here, I try to keep it mostly pleasant and short unless somebody requests otherwise.
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:iconvix0r:
vix0r Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2008
Yeah, I totally know what you mean. Getting too invested in taking deviantArt seriously would turn into an enormous, thankless job.

I'm always thankful for critique, and I encourage it, but I think people shouldn't do anything more on dA than what they want to. :D Anyway, thanks again.
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:iconthornyenglishrose:
ThornyEnglishRose Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
I have a couple of suggestions. Instead of 'behind the wallpaper', just ' paper' would be way better - especially with ' paint' and ' plaster' following. And, in the penultimate stanza, I think there's a better word than 'severe'. To me it just doesn't seem to sit right.

Other than that, wonderful. :thumbsup:

(She wasn't right for you anyway. If you get on a plane and come to England, you'll find someone way better. :eyes:)
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:iconvix0r:
vix0r Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2008
Thanks for the suggestions! I'm not sure about the wallpaper/paper switch; I don't know if paper is a term for wallpaper in the UK, but for US readers it would be pretty ambiguous (although, of course, the subsequent lines would help explain, but even so...). I'll have to look at it. I see the problem, but at the same time, ';paper' doesn't read as well as 'wallpaper' to me when I look at it. Hard to say.

I can see what you're saying with 'severe.' I don't know what would replace that, though. 'irreparable' might work, except that is kind of redundant when coupled with the following line. Hum, I don't know.

Anyway, thanks, doll! :D And I guess I'll have to wait and make some money and get me a plane ticket someday... :p :hug:
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:iconhpets:
hpets Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2008
I think it is really special! My favourite part is "Spring came, of course, /
(Although she says I had nothing to do with it)"

I see that you're encouraging advanced critique, but I honestly don't have any criticism to give right now! :)
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:iconvix0r:
vix0r Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2008
Haha, well, thank you very much anyway! I'm glad you liked this! :dance:
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:iconlivingcomforteagle:
livingcomforteagle Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2008
this is beautiful. :) my favorite part:

Yet, as the snow melted, I didn’t notice
the water beginning to seep into my walls,
forming great tears behind the wallpaper
or paint
or plaster.
By the time I noticed,
the damage was done.
Reply
:iconvix0r:
vix0r Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2008
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it. :D
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